IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE
By Judy Callihan Warfield

Much of our behavior in relationships has been programmed from childhood. Dr. John Kappas evolved the theory of Physical and Emotional suggestibility. This is a broad overview of the concepts and descriptions of these different suggestibilities.
Suggestibiliity is learned from the secondary caretaker, generally a father figure. With suggestibility defined as how we take things in and therefore influences our behavior. As a child, the first person that the infant is in contact with is the mother, or primary caretaker. The child also learns that there is a second person around (secondary caretaker) who is usually the father figure. The child begins to model the father as a way to learn how to relate to the primary caretaker. The child learns as an infant that it’s very survival depends on having a good relationship with the primary caregiver. The key point here is not how father actually was, but how the child perceived the father figure. Also, how did the secondary caretaker relate to the child?

If the secondary caretaker is a Physical suggestible, then the child will model physical suggestibility (closeness, physical touching, etc.) If the role model was an Emotional suggestible, then the child will model emotional suggestibility (someone who is comfortable with distance). Our suggestibility is usually set between the ages of 13-15. We have both Physical and Emotional suggestibility in us, however, there is usually a more dominate one that determines our behavior. Emotionals tend to internalize their emotions, while Physicals tend to externalize their behavior.

Now why would this affect our relationships? Well, it really is true that opposites attract. This actually forms a stronger and more lasting relationship because one partner’s strengths may be the other partner’s weaknesses and therefore they can compliment each other and they both feel complete and whole. Sounds like a match made in heaven, however, if you look at the statistics today regarding a divorce rate of over 50% it is obvious that it can not be that simple. The real trick is to keep the relationship in the “honeymoon” stage. At this stage of the relationship there is a powerful romantic connection between the two, passionate sex, seductive glances across crowded rooms, perhaps even love letters are exchanged. There is a profound sense of having found the “missing pieces” of themselves and feeling complete and satisfied. Both people accept and enjoy the opposites qualities that they themselves may be lacking.

Unfortunately, we have all heard the term “the honeymoon is over”, which simply means that things are back to normal. In other words, the Physical or Emotional partners begin to perceive and be annoyed by the very opposite qualities that once attracted them to each other in the first place. The next phase is referred to as the “plateau”. Once both parties feel secure, the excitement between them starts to relax. This is natural, and sometimes desirable, and most people can accept the lessening of feelings that occurs as normal and can remain in the plateau stage for months, years, or even fore a lifetime. Unfortunately, Physicals will begin to feel neglected or unloved at this time, while the Emotionals may tend to withdraw even further into their priorities of career and hobbies and this will result in the third level of relationships called “trauma”.

Testing for suggestibility is essential in hypnotherapy. The hypnotherapy session must be custom tailored to that person’s mode of taking in information. Physicals tend to take information in directly, while Emotionals tend to take information in inferentially. Because hypnotherapy addresses a person’s behaviors and patterns, it is also extremely beneficial to know which traits are “hard wired” into them due to their specific suggestibility. There is no good or bad suggestibility, but it is imperative to know what is prompting behavior and make adjustments accordingly. Knowledge is power and once you have a better understanding of yourself and your partner then it can open the doors to improved communication and understanding.

People of the same suggestibility usually do not fare well in a long term relationship. Since they both have the same strengths they are constantly butting heads for control and since they both share the same weaknesses this creates large gaps of non communication and action. This is why I dislike the term “soul mate”. Why would anyone want someone exactly like yourself? Diversity and differences are what bring spice and excitement to a relationship and allow the relationship and individuals to continue expanding and growing and ultimately strengthen the bond.

So let’s discuss the traits and priorities for each suggestibility:

The Physical suggestible traits are:
1. Tends to learn or take information in directly and literally. However, they speak inferentially. This means if you ask a Physical a question, they will have a need to give you all of the details leading up to the answer.
2. Physicals tend to put their physical body out in front to protect their emotions. They can sometimes appear to be very demonstrative and center of attention. They will dress to draw attention and like to touch others while communicating.
3. A Physical likes team sports; enjoys working with people; heart ruled; sexually responsive at all times; prefers to fix things themselves; prefers a sporty car rather than a practical one; feels emotional and physical pain at the end of a relationship; and easily expresses affection openly.
The Physical suggestible priorities are:
1. Relationship (and this equates sex with love). A Physical can be very ambitious, however, if their personal relationship is not going well, their whole world is off.
2. Children. Family and children are high on priority list.
3. Friends and Hobbies. Physicals like to be involved with group activities, but never at the expense of their #1 priority, relationship.
4. Career. Now, again, don’t take this the wrong way. Physicals are great at their jobs, however, their relationship will always be the uppermost priority for them.

The Emotional suggestible traits are:
1. Tends to learn and take in information inferentially. However, will speak very directly. This means if you ask an Emotional a question they will answer you directly and not supply a lot of details.
2. Emotionals will project or use their emotions to protect their physical bodies. You can usually spot an Emotional at a party because they tend to be a little more reserved and prefer watching the action rather than actively participating in it. An Emotional will usually dress more conservatively in order to minimize any attention to their physical body. They prefer socializing on a one to one basis rather than large groups.
3. An Emotional is usually very logical and realistic; assumes all is OK unless told otherwise; enjoys working along and prefers hobbies that can be dangerous and are done alone; head ruled; sexually undemanding; prefers affection in private; prefers to hire help to fix things; prefers practical cars; feels emotional pain at the end of a relationship.

The Emotional suggestible priorities are:
1. Career and financial security. The term “workaholic” usually is applied to an Emotional.
2. Hobbies and family. Unfortunately, for the spouse, the Emotional prefers individual activities.
3. Relationship. This low point on the list of priorities is sometimes hard for the spouse to accept.
4. Sex/Mistress/Affair. The Emotional does not always equate sex with love or relationship. Sex is used to release stress. The term “it was nothing but sex” is often used by the Emotional to describe their liaisons.

After seeing the differences in the two you may begin to realize where opposites attract comes into play. We look for people that compliment our behavior. An Emotional will be attracted to a Physical because they are so outgoing and fun, they dress to attract, and this makes the Emotional proud to be seen in public with them. The Emotional will never have to guess what the Physical is thinking because they tend to voice their emotions frequently. Physicals are great with entertaining large groups and this is a great compliment to an Emotional’s career. The Physical is usually first attracted to an Emotional because they are proud of their career and they view them as being strong and logical and great providers.

Unfortunately, when the “honeymoon” stage ends those same qualities become the areas that cause division in the relationship. The Physical now complains that the spouse thinks only about the career and is withdrawn from the family. The Emotional now views the spouse as demanding and constantly complaining and jealous. Sex also tends to cause problems as the Emotional simply does not need sex on a daily basis and since the Physical relates sex with love, they feel unloved if physical attention is not being given.

This is why it is so important to understand what drives your behavior and your spouse’s behavior. If you can understand how your spouse’s behavior is not against you personally, but simply how they are hard wired you will begin to realize that their actions are not meant to hurt you personally. You can then to also recognize what prompts your behavior and learn how to negotiate thru the differences between the two. You will once again learn to appreciate the qualities which first drew you to that person in the first place and begin being like the person they were originally attracted to also. Has that other person’s behavior really changed or has your reaction now changed?

Related Topics

Why Hypnosis?
Testimonials
Meet Judy

Articles are designed to provide a broad overview of this topic and provide general information. Each person has individual and unique considerations. Hypnotherapy is never meant to be in lieu of your prescribed medical protocol. It is intended to compliment and enhance your current physician’s recommendations. I do not cure, diagnose, or prescribe. Any issue that may have a medical origin will require a referral from your physician.

Each person's issues are unique to them. Please do not hesitate to contact us with your specific questions and concerns.